Every once in a while, some famous person will die of lung cancer, and in the attending hooplah over the great man’s death, there will be the inevitable criticisms of his life — maybe if he hadn’t smoked, he wouldn’t have contracted lung cancer.

And it’s true! According to the American Cancer Society, 8 in 10 of all cases of lung cancer are contracted as a result of cigarette smoke. The remaining two cases are generally caused by (and here’s a shocker) smoke from some other kind of tobacco product.

Yes, there are other causes. Of course, the most heinous is second-hand smoke, but asbestos and radon are known factors, greatly enhanced by — you guessed it — smoking. Unsurprisingly, smoking similar weeds like Marijuana can also cause lung cancer. Also, if you breathe in

• uranium
• arsenic
• vinyl
• chloride
• nickel chromates
• coal products
• mustard gas
• chloromethyl ethers
• gasoline
• diesel exhaust

you might just end up with Lung Cancer, though you’re greatly more likely to if you — once again — smoke. And, of course, survive the experience.. I mean, if you’re breathing mustard gas, you’ve got worse problems than lung cancer.

If you’re getting radiation treatment (for another cancer) to your chest, there’s a slight chance you might contract lung cancer, once again greatly increased if you smoke. Personal and family history may increase your risk, if you smoke, as may certain dietary choices. Also, there is a nigh-insignificant chance that you got lung cancer from smog or a previous lung-related ailment.

So, yes, there is a small chance that you did something else and got lung cancer from that, but the chances are greatly in favor of smoking as a cause of lung cancer. If you have it, you very  probably smoke(d).

So why do I hear people calling things like the above “crap?” It’s all true, damn it. The whole point of this anti-smoking rhetoric is to drive home into your puny little brain the concept that smoking kills people.

Millions upon millions of dollars of public money have been spent in an attempt to educate you and STILL you don’t get it. It’s not about what you enjoy. It’s not about what you have a right to do. Smoking is disgusting and dangerous and evil.

Stop it.

And, no, addiction is not an excuse. Oh, it’s a fair excuse for continuing to smoke. What’s it’s not an excuse for is failing to try. Many smokers give lip-service to the idea of quitting, then they go and have a smoke. If you’re honestly and seriously trying to quit, I will support you. If you’re using addiction as an excuse, you get what you deserve — a massive battery of negative health effects, a massively increased risk of lung cancer, and a shrinking list of places you can go without being shunned by civilized people. You disgust me.

If you are considering taking up smoking or have recently done so, you’re stupid. Go breathe diesel exhaust or mustard gas and save the rest of us the trouble and expense of putting up with your sorry stupid ass for the rest of your disgusting miserable life. Or quit. I’d settle for that, I suppose.

But seriously, what the hell are you thinking? Did the media saturation campaigns somehow fail to reach you? Did you miss that smoking is not only disgusting and impolite but unhealthy and potentially lethal not only for you but also for your friends and family? I mean, seriously — what the hell is your excuse?