This is actually a response to a post by AirForceVirgin. It was a bit of a novel (and, besides, my content is suffering,) so I decided to blog in my own damned blog for once.
To put you in mind of my perspective on the subject, I’m going to start with your header statements.
I love sex. — False. I like sex, but I don’t love it. It’s satisfying, but sometimes I’d rather play video games or watch TV. It’s not really my thing. It’s not a need or something to be desired in itself.
I was a virgin when.. — a very badly worded series of questions. The best way to answer it is to say that the first time I had sex involving vaginal penetration was when I went away to college. Then I don’t have to answer the same question three times and quibble over whether the word “virgin” even applies to men.
At twenty-seven, I’ve had exactly one sexual partner of note. I don’t intend to increase this number.
I should also probably mention that I am a skeptic and an antitheist (this means that I am doubtful of the supernatural and consider all forms of theism [that is, a specific belief in a god or gods] to be wrong and harmful.) Religion always comes into discussions of this nature.
Whore — someone who engages in sex for money. If you do, you are. If you don’t, you aren’t. The word is misapplied to sluts, or even to women who merely suffer from poor sense or loose morals, to the considerable detriment of our language. The word “prostitute” is more politic in this day and age and means the same thing (including the misapplication.)
Slut — A woman or girl who engages in sexual activity without restraint or discrimination. This word is misapplied to women who merely suffer from poor sense or loose morals, to the considerable detriment of our language.
This describes an extreme case. Almost noone actually qualifies. Chances are pretty good that someone who’s only had five partners is not a slut.
Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any commonly-used term for a man who engages in sexual activity without restraint or discrimination. Don’t say “man,” because that’s sexist, and it ain’t true.
As far as morality and sex are concerned, I think you’re probably good (regardless of gender) if you meet at least one (1) of the following parameters:
1) You have never had sex outside of your current comitted relationship.
2) Your past failures to meet #1 are behind you, and you regret them.
You can learn from things you regret. I regret a lot of things, and I learned from nearly all of them. But it’s important to regret mistakes.
Moreover, as long as you have a reasonably healthy (note: “reasonably healthy” is a looser standard than “morally correct”) attitude toward sex, I’m not going to take you to task for it.
Finally, I don’t think the words “healthy” and “sexually active” can be used together to describe a teenager of either gender. Girls shouldn’t let themselves be pressured into sex (or pressure boys into sex.) Boys shouldn’t pressure girls into sex (or let girls pressure them into it.) Fifteen-year-olds probably shouldn’t be dating*. Mate-shopping should be a few years off, really.
*yikes, our language is imprecise about this sort of thing. You know what I mean, but I am something of a pedant and can and will clarify if necessary. Please don’t make me.
The blog I wrote was not actually to ask the general public if I was a slut; it was more of a rhetorical question. I know I’m not a slut or a whore. I wrote the blog in reference to one of my subscribers who was feeling bad about herself, but wished to remain anonymous.
Whore may technically mean someone who earns money for performing sexual acts, but that is not how it is used in today’s society.
That’s great you’ve only had one partner at 27. I have not. I have had 5. I am 21. I have been married for 2 years, and been faithful to the man who is my husband for the last four. I’m not ashamed about my past and that is precisely my point.
Thanks for you comment.
@AirForceVirgin – In order: I know that. I mentioned that, and I pretty sure I said nothing about shame.
I know that:
Though you technically DID ask that question (“does this make me a slut? A whore?”) of the general public, I understand that it was meant more in terms of rhetoric than representing a desire to be judged. I’m not judging you. My morality is for myself alone.
I mentioned that:
I’m well aware of the newer usages for the words “whore” and “prostitute,” but I object to the butchery of the language. I don’t misapply these words myself, and I would strongly suggest that other people don’t.
Meanwhile, the original definition of “whore” is absolutely used in today’s society. It’s still the prevalent usage.
Shame is a tool that society uses to control the behavior of the individual. Regret is simply an acknowledgement of taking the wrong road. I am ashamed of very little (indeed, I’m almost shameless,) but I regret much.
You asked a general question, and I tried to give a broadly applicable answer. You seem to be in the “reasonably healthy” category I mentioned, so I’m not taking you to task. I heard you the first time, and there’s no need to be defensive. Meanwhile, I think it’s great that you’re happily married. We should all be so lucky.
And thank you for reading.
Not arguing, but I have rarely, if ever, used the word whore in that context. I usually apply term ‘prostitute’.
@AirForceVirgin – Meanwhile, I’ve never used the word “whore” to describe a “slut” or “loose woman.” Sample-sizes of one are unreliable.
There is ALOT of shouldnts in this blog, and not ALOT of answers. Your post is full of loser.
You are a bigger woman than I am, I would have ripped his ass a new one.
PS. Blogging about other peoples blogs makes you a fucking idiot. Did you get that, you FUCKING IDIOT.
@antisoccermom – Usually, I object to people making asinine remarks, calling me names, and using profanity in my comments section, but I’m going to leave this one here just to make a point. Or perhaps two or three.
First, I’m pretty sure you just indicted yourself. Since you blocked me, it’s not like I can go through and look any more, but I’m going to bet that you’ve made at least one post on the same subject as someone else’s blog post as a direct reaction to it. At least I admit it, and I expect that’s actually the proper thing to do.
Secondly, blocking people because they have the nerve to disagree with you makes you a wuss.
Finally, you have very clearly severely overreacted to…something. I have no idea what, but I’m pretty sure that makes you the…I’m going to go with “loser” here.
Whether that name’s going to stick depends on what you do when you calm down.
If I’ve made some breach of netiquette here, I’m sure I don’t know what it is, and that therefore it would be far more productive to let me know what I shouldn’t do than to flame my comments section and block me.
**sits back and munches popcorn**
On a seperate note, can one be considered a slut within a commited relationship if she enjoys a lot of no-questions-asked sex with only one partner, or would she just be considered “easy”?
To be honest Bob, I’m thinking being a slut is more an attitude/outlook thing than actions.Just because someone doesn’t have the oppurtunity to let it out, doesn’t mean that’s not who they are.
Beyond that… uhm…. lemme think.
*steals some of Wombats popcorn*
Is it me, or does it seem more and more often folks are so tightly puckered up, they pop at the most insignificant thing?
@Ghost0402 – Puckered up? That phrase is making my day!
@bluemarsupial – I don’t think so Wombat, because to be slutty by definition means multiple partners.
@mame_snidely – I aim to please.