This is actually a response to a post by AirForceVirgin. It was a bit of a novel (and, besides, my content is suffering,) so I decided to blog in my own damned blog for once.
To put you in mind of my perspective on the subject, I’m going to start with your header statements.
I love sex. — False. I like sex, but I don’t love it. It’s satisfying, but sometimes I’d rather play video games or watch TV. It’s not really my thing. It’s not a need or something to be desired in itself.
I was a virgin when.. — a very badly worded series of questions. The best way to answer it is to say that the first time I had sex involving vaginal penetration was when I went away to college. Then I don’t have to answer the same question three times and quibble over whether the word “virgin” even applies to men.
At twenty-seven, I’ve had exactly one sexual partner of note. I don’t intend to increase this number.
I should also probably mention that I am a skeptic and an antitheist (this means that I am doubtful of the supernatural and consider all forms of theism [that is, a specific belief in a god or gods] to be wrong and harmful.) Religion always comes into discussions of this nature.
Whore — someone who engages in sex for money. If you do, you are. If you don’t, you aren’t. The word is misapplied to sluts, or even to women who merely suffer from poor sense or loose morals, to the considerable detriment of our language. The word “prostitute” is more politic in this day and age and means the same thing (including the misapplication.)
Slut — A woman or girl who engages in sexual activity without restraint or discrimination. This word is misapplied to women who merely suffer from poor sense or loose morals, to the considerable detriment of our language.
This describes an extreme case. Almost noone actually qualifies. Chances are pretty good that someone who’s only had five partners is not a slut.
Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any commonly-used term for a man who engages in sexual activity without restraint or discrimination. Don’t say “man,” because that’s sexist, and it ain’t true.
As far as morality and sex are concerned, I think you’re probably good (regardless of gender) if you meet at least one (1) of the following parameters:
1) You have never had sex outside of your current comitted relationship.
2) Your past failures to meet #1 are behind you, and you regret them.
You can learn from things you regret. I regret a lot of things, and I learned from nearly all of them. But it’s important to regret mistakes.
Moreover, as long as you have a reasonably healthy (note: “reasonably healthy” is a looser standard than “morally correct”) attitude toward sex, I’m not going to take you to task for it.
Finally, I don’t think the words “healthy” and “sexually active” can be used together to describe a teenager of either gender. Girls shouldn’t let themselves be pressured into sex (or pressure boys into sex.) Boys shouldn’t pressure girls into sex (or let girls pressure them into it.) Fifteen-year-olds probably shouldn’t be dating*. Mate-shopping should be a few years off, really.
*yikes, our language is imprecise about this sort of thing. You know what I mean, but I am something of a pedant and can and will clarify if necessary. Please don’t make me.